What's In The Elden Ring Pot Man? Because I Want To Drink It
Cast your mind back to the fourth of October. We had been waiting for an official peek at the gameplay of perhaps the biggest fantasy title of the last decade. Of course, leaks gave us a little look behind the curtain, but it simply wasn't enough. We needed more Elden Ring, immediately.
Thankfully, on this fateful day, that's what we got. The gameplay reveal for Elden Ring confirmed every optimistic presumption we had - a vast sprawling world plastered in a bleak atmosphere and a multitude of bizarre creatures to tackle on your grey adventure. It seemed a lot like what we knew about Dark Souls except a little less smelly, with the great outdoors taking centre stage as… hang on. What was that? Rewind the trailer a second.
At exactly one minute and five seconds into the gameplay reveal trailer, we saw him for the first time. Our special boy.
A freakish, wobbly little fella is seen for a split second wandering through a tomb, and seemingly straight into the hearts of prospective fans, colloquially earning the name Pot Friend and truly becoming the star of the show. The cracked pot with pipe cleaner arms and a wax seal plugging his top was an instant favourite for the game, and fans want to dive into Elden Ring almost exclusively to be his friend.
But I don't want to be his friend. I want to know what secrets he harbours in that pot of his. And I want to consume them.
What Is In Pot Friend's Pot?
Ever since he stumbled onto screens across the globe, Pot Friend has been something of an enigma, as we don't know much about them beyond the fact that they are a sentient pot. There could be many, and there could be but one, and his origins are unknown. But, we've heard his voice - and he seems like a nice chap.
"Hello? Can you hear me? Help me! I'm stuck!" calls Pot Friend from his ditch in the 20-minute gameplay preview uploaded back in November. Once the player bashes him out of his hole with a big stick, he says "Oh, that mighty wallop of yours almost spelt the end of me!" with a hearty chuckle, and not only am I wondering where exactly from within this pot the voice is coming from, I'm left pondering what would happen if the player did break the pot. What would come spilling out? Is it technically gore that comes out, whatever shape it takes? I'm deeply fascinated by what's inside this bizarre ceramic chap, and I want it.
I Want To Drink What Is Inside Pot Friend
Click to enlargeIn 2018, a gigantic black sarcophagus was discovered buried in Alexandria, Egypt. Many believed that the box should stay closed (as we have learned that opening forbidden, buried corpse boxes doesn't often end well for those lifting the lid - at least if The Mummy is to be believed), but it was opened regardless, and inside lay bones and a pool of a mysterious dark red liquid. After seeing this forbidden Kool-Aid, the internet went into a frenzy, starting a change.org petition for the attention of "king of skeletons, Egypt" to allow the 36,651 signees to drink the mysterious liquid, in a gamble to see whether it would kill them with the tummy ache to end all tummy aches, or make them ascend to a higher form of being with superpowers gifted to Ancient Egyptians that ducked the history books.
The Pot Friend is my mystery sarcophagus.
Whatever that is hidden in this bulbous pot is probably much more likely to have magical properties given the expansive, mystical work of the game - but then again, it's just as likely to kill me given its signature hostility. If I have to be the one, then so be it. We have to know what's in there, and if there's even a chance that I can inherit ancient magic that could help me to ascend this mortal plane, or even bend over without my knees cracking, then it is a risk I'm willing to take.
Feed Me Pot Friend's Viscera
This isn't a result of not liking the Pot Friend - I'm sure he's just lovely. But if the magic he is keeping from us could help progress our society and aid in potential human evolution, then it's just something we're going to have to do. Plus, as Bandai Namco has confirmed that the Pot Friend has canonically escaped captivity and is loose on our mortal plane, there's every chance he could be a danger to us personally. We know what we have to do.
We might be in danger of Pot Friend, and I believe firmly that the secrets of the universe lie in the forbidden juice that sloshes around in him. Someone's going to have to drink it eventually, and I volunteer. And when I transcend and become a god, don't come crying to me when you didn't suggest it first.
