Being trampled by Pokemon is 2022's new kink - And we're okay with that
Alohan Exeggutor, Steelix, Milotic, and even good ol' reliable Snorlax represent some of the biggest Pokemon out there. Put it this way, you wouldn't want any of these to accidentally stand on your toes... or would you? Insert side-eye emoji here.
Delving deep into the kinkier side of the usually family-friendly Pokemon games, it turns out some of you are exploring your obsession with being trampled on by Pocket Monsters. As we finally get to grips with the release of Pokemon Legends: Arceus, collecting a Hisuian Growlithe or Voltorb is apparently the last thing on some people's minds in Feudal Sinnoh.
Why are Pokefans obsessed with Pokemon trampling on them?
Everyone has their own kinks, and when it comes to BDSM circles, trampling (sometimes known as stepping or stomping) can be a major turn-on. This isn't the first time we've discussed this fetish, and you might remember the Resident Evil discourse with Lady Dimitrescu last year - but more on that later.
Over on Reddit, the idea of getting your Rock-types off to being trampled became a hot topic. In Arceus, there's the introduction of Alpha Pokemon, which are effectively beefed-up versions of your regular 'Mon, that have a fiery temper and glowing eyes. Although the post showing off the size difference between normal and Alpha Pokemon has been deleted, it makes for some interesting reading. Notably, "Machoke me, daddy" is surely becoming a regular of our vocabulary.
We've heard about people literally trampling over each other in a rush to get Pokemon Cards in Walmart, but trust us, this is something very different. In Arceus, every Pokemon has a size ranging from 0 to 255. Alpha Pokemon tip the scales at 255, meaning they're bigger than your average Bidoof.
Twitter is typically full of references to Mommy Milkers and whether it's right to perv over Pokemon. "MFing Pokémon making 'step on me mommy' forms now making me wonder if all Pokémon can lactate or just Miltank. Going to be difficult to work today thinking about Pokémilkies," said one.
Sharing a picture of Tsareena, someone else added, "They’ve already created pokemon clearly made for the step on me crowd this is just going to kick things into overdrive." It's not just Pokemon though, when the official Twitter introduced Captain Cyllene as the head of Galaxy Team's Survey Corps and someone simply asked, "Can she step on me?"
Is trampling a big deal in video games?
As we mentioned before, 2021 was dominated by big women stepping on us mere mortals for a bit of fun. Firstly, it was the towering Lady Alcina Dimitrescu from Resident Evil Village. From the moment we first glimpsed her in the game's trailer, fans were besotted by "Big Vampire Woman." When her height was eventually revealed, it turned out she towered over the likes of Bowser and even Guilty Gear's Faust at an impressive 9'6" (2.9m) tall.
If tall Lady D wasn't enough, scientists then got involved and figured out her stomping power and whether she could bust your head with a stiletto. For a while, Dimitrescu lorded it over the rest of us with her almighty stomping power, but then, someone came to take her crown. Giving us some serious girl boss energy last year, Destiny 2's Witch Queen then dwarfed this villainous vampire.
The logistics of Pokemon stomping you still needs some working out, but from what we've seen so far, Alpha Pokemon will attack unprovoked, and yes, they will trample you. Moving away from the kinkier side of being trampled, Alpha Pokemon can knock trainers out and send them on an emergency trip to the Pokecenter - proving it might not be the BDSM experience you're hoping for.
Admittedly, Arceus trampling isn't quite on the same level as someone adding a naked and erect Chris Redfield to Resident Evil Village, but following Rule 34, we're sure a bit of Pokestompiing is just the tip of the kinky iceberg. While most will see Arceus as a wholesome family affair, there are sure to be those of you who can't wait for Jynx to step on you in a pair of high heels. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, you do you, hun.