This award season has been STRESSFUL

19:04, 28 Jul 2020

It’s award season in the Overwatch League and I’m not okay. Let me explain. Can you hold your hand out, please?

Let’s start nice and easy with the season MVP. We start our process with considering our gut feeling and if anyone obvious stands out like perhaps JJoNak did in season 1. That gut has gotten round while being locked away at home, hasn’t it? Anyway... Here we go, hold this Carpe and Alarm. Take this Lip, Void, LeeJaeGon. You got it? Can you fit Choihyobin in there when I put him next to Striker? Okay, let me put Yaki under your chin and Gargoyle and Hanbin under your armpits. Ah, I guess we’re struggling already. Unfortunately we have about ten more names you’d have to stack. So much for the gut reaction, I suppose. You’d think at that size of a gut you’d have space to place it... Hold on to them for a moment and let’s see if we can ease the burden a little.

Let’s see if the stats can help us make a selection. So high numbers are good right? While holding these players, can you write on that blackboard over there please so we can write down the formula? You see, now we have to consider hero pools and at what time players have played and against which compositions they were playing. What about strength of schedule? What about a playtime threshold? Do we consider each hero individually and give the players grades based on each performance? Oh, you broke off the chalk! Unlucky, let’s try something else then. Don’t drop it, CaptainPlanet was nice enough to let us use his tools and it’s rude to leave a mess.


Maybe we should consider first what we actually value. Follow me, please. Hurry, hurry! We only have a week to go and we haven’t remotely given this enough thought yet. But remember, whatever you do, don’t drop it! So, do we value peak performances? Hold this torch because, oh boy, some of these players are lit in the clutch. Is it flexibility? Let me put this French elastic around your ankles but whatever you do, hold on! How do we think about players with extreme playtime like Alarm and Void who have consistently been performing? Oh, you haven’t paid specific attention to them for each minute of their 20 hours of playtime? I’m sorry, but I just gave you an eye infection. Don’t ask how it works, this is a learning moment. 

Where are you going, we aren’t done yet! What about other factors that could be considered like playing at a ping disadvantage? Your reaction time has just been lowered! Here, catch Fielder! Are players who got injured like Xzi out of the race because they played less? ARROW TO THE KNEE! It hurts double, because of the injury and because you got hit by a big boomer meme. Now we’re really awarding some players, baby!

As you fall on your back in exhaustion, you can only hold on to one player. 

Interesting choice! Certainly not the one I would’ve made but you can definitely argue it. Well done, see you tomorrow for role stars!

Image via Blizzard Entertainment

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