Rumours From The Scrimbux Stock Exchange - Your Personal Team Horoscope
Welcome back to the Overwatch League scrimbux stock exchange, where the currency is nothing but unfounded confidence, where each scrim is in a superposition of being won and lost at the same time, with nobody ever really looking for the cats, acts, or facts.
You’d be a fool to take anything here at face value, but you’re pulled in by the promised holy grain of truth (though it might really just be salt) buried deep under the building, conveniently harvested from the sodium chloride mines of the teams' player and staff pool, trying to win the confidence game before any matches even happened. Invest now, gamble, and throw it all away. Come in, come in. What did you say? Of course, it’s too early to say anything with confidence; that is the entire point, stupid!
This year, the integrity of the scrimbux stock exchange was called into question, and through the feedback, the stock exchange has… re-evaluated its approach this year after free wisdom was imparted on its market analysts via a tweet by Florida Mayhem General Manager Albert “yeHHH” Yeh who wrote:
He’s such a Taurus, isn’t he?
Anyway, it didn’t take long for the analysts to catch up on the trail of Mayhem’s magic in season 4, and they followed it to its logical conclusion: a game of Overwatch is determined by the stars. As a result of the research, the data was worked into the predictive modelling efforts and produced this report...in the form of a horoscope.
Overwatch League Team Horoscope
Boston Uprising - Virgo
The Uprising are one of the hardest-working teams in the League, as Virgos tend to be. They have to be aware of the signs of burnout though, as Virgos can also work themselves to exhaustion, so maintaining their mental across the season will be key to the team’s success. Much like Virgos, the Uprising ground the league and are understood by experts to be one of the teams who may become the gatekeepers. Though not unexpected, Valentine has been every bit as impressive as expected throughout the pre-season and, if the stars align, might even make a run for rookie of the year. The choice between the now promoted Gaelbullsi and Punk wasn’t an obvious one as the organisation considered their options for a while.
San Francisco Shock - Leo
Leos had a rough go at it this pre-season to an unusual degree, even when compared to their usual sassy selves, performing noticeably worse than either the Justice or the Gladiators. This shift of confidence can be felt in their interactions with the public, being cautious in their usual arrogance, as they look to deliver on the server where it matters. A strong first stage schedule has the Leo facing a difficult reality that participation at the May Melee tournament may not be in the cards.
Dallas Fuel - Gemini
The inconsistent nature of the Gemini and their indecisiveness could once again hurt them this season. While they’ve lived a life of being hyperbolised and misunderstood by others, the narratives might be misleading, and it might not be all that bad, residing likely in the Boston tier. That this isn’t their desired spot in the league is apparent, though the trouble around Xzi has justified it to a reasonable degree. However, as Gemini is ruled by Mercury, who moves into focus, it appears for now that their practice progress isn’t going well, showing a slight downwards trajectory in their accession.
Houston Outlaws - Scorpio
The Scorpios once again love teasing their fans for another season, coming in with a load of scrimbux with unproven potential. Peculiar, however, has been how they got a top rating for their scrimbux, initially underperforming in the early pre-season. Eventually, Pluto moved into place and transformed the team, likely with a sizable amount of value coming out of Co-head coach Junkbuck. A mantra that the coach has shared and lived with his team is that only bad teams don’t know why they win, sharing the how’s and why’s with his Scorpios to protect them from this fate. Nobody should doubt their passion this season though it remains to be seen if they can finally translate their scrimbux into hard league points.
Toronto Defiant - Cancer
Sympathetic and attached to the players they keep close, the Defiant has opted into a weird hybrid mix that has caused a lot of uncertainty in the pre-season. As the designated Tracer ace, Logix necessarily has to play, and even Beast looks to be the ball of choice to play with for the Defiant. Most of the time, they perform about as good as the Spitfire, but as meta constellations move into place (such as Sombra, Reaper, Lucio, Moira), they start to shine and can compete with the top dogs. Likely to be underwhelming at the start of the season, Cancer is looking to bring it back during the mid-season.
Chengdu Hunters - Aquarius
The pure chaos energy has come back to the Hunters fueled by Aquarius’ originality. RUI does wonders for this team, and they’re said to become one of the strongest teams in the early season, with their hero pool aligning under Uranus’ aggressive nature. Deep in the Chengdu zone, they can still be expected to come out with just as ridiculous strategies though a sizeable improvement in mechanical ability could propel them even further.
New York Excelsior - Taurus
Stubborn but patiently, NYXL have found their way back into a top team position, arguably currently being the best performing team in scrims in the Eastern region. In part, they also have earned this spot as the falling moon of the Dragons left room for Taurus to reliably and patiently push into. Though initially thought to be a team of high aggression, they somehow found their identity back in a passive and calculated playstyle. That said, NYXL fans shouldn’t fear too much. Their stable playstyle is one of the most refined ones at this stage in the Overwatch League, and their individual prowess is incredible high. Not a day goes by in which the DPS aren’t praised to high heavens, and Jjonak remains just as unbelievable of flex support as in season 1, just with more competition.
Los Angeles Gladiators - Capricorn
A calming stability has settled over the Gladiators camp, built on the responsible, disciplined, and self-controlled work of its management - features Capricorns excel at. Despite uncertainty about the Kevster situation, the team held a steady course and has remained the best team in the scrimbux world for the last couple of months, with few experts claiming otherwise. An interesting turn of fates came with MuZe, who was initially highly rated by the community but didn’t really convince a lot of teams in try-outs they had with the player. As Capricorns like it, his status has clearly been understated, and he’s shaping up to be a fine main tank who very likely will be considered top 5 in the world after everything is said and done.
Paris and Vancouver - Pisces
Pisces feel a strong desire to escape reality as the two entwine at the bottom of the barrel. The updraft potential for both of them is low but their romantic character might charm you into supporting them this season.
Image via Blizzard Entertainment
