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Elden Ring Will Punish You For Being A Simp

Elden Ring Will Punish You For Being A Simp
Images via FromSoftware

Written by 

Joseph Kime

Posted 

3rd Mar 2022 13:25

Elden Ring may be one of the highest performing critical games ever right now, but that certainly doesn't mean that your experience will be one of pure elation. In fact, it's quite the opposite. The game is completely ruthless in classic FromSoftware fashion, dishing out boss fights that punish and degrade players. 

It's the trademark of the ongoing Soulslike subgenre, and Elden Ring clearly doesn't mean to be any different. However, there are brief flashes of sincerity. But don't expect that they'll make you feel better. In fact, they might actually detriment your journey across the Lands Between.

Elden Ring Character Will Give You A Cuddle (If You Like)

Elden Ring Will Punish You For Being A Simp
Click to enlarge

When you make it to Elden Ring's Roundtable Hold, you might be lured into calm by its lack of hostility - and in many ways, that's how it's designed. The area is a safe haven of sorts, free of baddies that'll threaten your life, and it has lulled a lot of players into a false sense of security because there's a secret danger.

In the Hold you'll meet Fia, a maiden who asks you if you'd like to embrace her. A lot of players have opted to do so, as it's practically the only comfort that the brutal Lands Between offer the player. But, you'd be wise not to give her a cuddle.

Simping In Elden Ring Comes With A Cost

Having a wee snuggle with Fia will gift you with Baladachin's Blessing - a consumable item that will give you Poise in exchange for some FP. What you aren't wanted about is the fact that this innocuous cuddle will actually cost you 5% of your total vitality. Oh.

 

This isn't the end of the world because you can earn it back with the Blessing, but still, you'll have to figure out when the best time to do that is. Clearing yourself of Fia's curse will cost you FP in the process. It's a tough choice to make, especially if Elden Ring has worn you down as much as FromSoftware would have hoped.

Think how often you've slipped through a boss battle with just a fraction of your health, meaning Fia's bargaining is just as diabolical as you'd expect from Elden Ring. It's not ideal, but if you're desperate for a mere shred of comfort during your time in Elden Ring, then go for it. Though we'd probably recommend that it's better to remain maidenless.

 

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