A goldfish just beat Elden Ring’s hardest boss

A goldfish just beat Elden Ring’s hardest boss
FromSoftware | Unsplash pouria oskuie

Written by 

Tom Chapman


5th Jul 2023 15:00

It's been well over a year since we first stepped out into the Lands Between for FromSoftware's Elden Ring, and while the fog has settled, there are still a loyal band of Tarnished picking up their blades and cutting their way across this tormented realm. 

While some have their eyes firmly on the prize of the Shadow of the Erdtree DLC, others are still finding unique ways to return to the epic Soulslike. We've seen some impressive ways to beat the game's bosses or even tackle the game using your mind, but now, a goldfish has taken on its hardest boss.

Elden Ring player's goldfish beats Melania

Although it's up for debate on who the hardest Elden Ring boss is (they're all pretty tough), most accept that Malenia, Blade of Miquella is the biggest bad the Lands Between has spat forward. It's not an IQ competition on who's got the brainpower to beat Malenia, but even Stephen Hawking would've struggled to beat her.

During a Twitch stream, PointCrow explained how he crudely mapped his goldfish called Tortellini to a controller. Depending on where he is in the tank, it'll press a different button on the controller. Although this means Tortellini's ability to move, roll, and attack is completely random, it hasn't stopped the goldfish from beating Malenia. 

Admittedly, it was just Malenia's first phase that Tortellini managed to conquer, but still, it's a feat most of us can only imagine. It's also worth clarifying PointCrow has installed the Elden Ring Boss Arena mod that lets them pick which bosses Tortellini will be facing. 

What's next for Tortellini?

Malenia Blade of Miquella Elden Ring boss battle
Click to enlarge

PointCrow's epic six-hour video isn't exactly a thrilling watch, and after hours of trying, Tortellini has seemingly hit a brick wall and can't get past Malenia's first phase. If you want a more energetic run, PointCrow has promised a highlight video will soon be uploaded to YouTube. 

Not that there's much competition, but Tortellini might be the best Soulsborne goldfish we've ever met - having already polished off the Soldier of Godrick, Margit, Godrick, Malenia's first phase. For those who gave up after hours of trying to beat Godrick the Grafted, Malenia is a long way off.

As noted by The Gamer, if Tortellini can somehow get past Malenia's second phase, it puts them in the top 49% of Elden Ring players - making 51% of us look pretty lame right now. Maybe using that Fisher Price Gamepad controller will help us beat Malenia without Tortellini's help. 

Tom is Trending News Editor at GGRecon, with an NCTJ qualification in Broadcast Journalism and over seven years of experience writing about film, gaming, and television. With bylines at IGN, Digital Spy, Den of Geek, and more, Tom’s love of horror means he's well-versed in all things Resident Evil, with aspirations to be the next Chris Redfield.

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