Hunters and Gladiators boomed shareholders.

19:38, 29 Mar 2020

The Scrimbux stock exchange is preparing to seek bailout to the amount of an entire season’s worth of scrimbux, an anonymous source told GGRecon. Overnight, the markets had crashed in a matter of merely 10 hours. Initially, the San Francisco Shock stonks had dropped rapidly due to an unexpected loss against the Los Angeles Gladiators. The final blow came at the hand of the Chengdu Hunters who stomped the seemingly overvalued Shanghai Dragons in 3-0 clean sweep.

First explanations arise

According to analysts, investors had poured too much confidence into a smooth-brained initial report from the Asian scrim market suggesting that the Dragons may be ranking among the top teams in the Overwatch League. Seeking additional explanations for the unforeseen event, responsible higher-ups at the Shanghai Dragons explained the roster decisions during the initial control map, elaborating that Stand1 and Lip had not arrived back from their meeting at the high IQ society, Mensa International and had only become available after the second map.

Weighing in on the debacle, an expert criticised the initial reckless speculation that had gone into the Shanghai Dragons’ season evaluation. “It’s simple really. Lip, Void and LeeJaeGon are great additions. But if you’re in a hero pool and that thing starts going, those player’s skills come to the surface. From there, it’s just Bubble, Bubble, Bubble pop!.....Bubble, Bubble. Pop, pop!” 

Main suspect defends himself

Hedge funds around the SSE named hero pools and its main perpetrator Josh “Sideshow” Wilkinson as the main culprit in this black swan event. Sideshow defended himself in a comment to GGRecon: “Oh my word! Can you stop talking about scrimbux, Yiska?! Those Asian sources could’ve sold you...sold ya...soldya…soldiya...Soldier...Soldier...SOLDIER!” Repeating the hero’s name he had drawn over and over during the hero pool draft at the beginning of March, Sideshow eventually dematerialized and ascended into planar form.

The impact of the crash if felt globally

“I can’t believe it. I thought hero pools would simply increase the market volume. Now it all came crashing down. This was supposed to pay for my children’s Shock skins.” and impacted broker shared with GGRecon adding that “token drops are now needed more than ever!” 

The crash had occurred at a startling pace. #WhatTheHellDidIwakeUpTo trended on Twitter in the morning hours, with flabbergasted North American viewers waking up to the shocking news. The impact of the crash could also be felt in ancillary industries. According to the United States Department of the Treasury, casinos and bookmakers reacted immediately to the news and caused a severe global shortage of coins. "According to 97% of all academic game theorists, the coin toss has become the most reliable prediction tool on the market" a spokesperson stated.

GGRecon will update the story as it develops...

Image courtesy of Blizzard Entertainment.

Esports Calendar