Overwatch League proves that everyone above the age of 22 is a boomer

18:00, 16 Dec 2019

With the off-season coming to an end and most teams having made their final roster decisions for the league start, some players have not been able to land a spot despite outstanding performances on the path to pro. “I’ve been doing very well in contenders and have consistently grown as a player. I have a wide hero pool that keeps growing and I’m a good teammate. In my most humble opinion I deserve a shot. Teams turned me down because I was too old”, a player who wishes to remain anonymous shared with GGRecon.  

Yet the experiences from inside the league tell a different story. Take the Houston Outlaws, who hold the contract of the oldest player in the league, Matt "coolmatt" Iorio. The 30-year old’s age has long been a burden on the team according to General Manager Matt "flame" Rodriguez. “In-game communications became crowded as every piece of information Coolmatt shared would be met by his teammates with an echoing “OK, Boomer””. Rodriguez also revealed that expenses for housing became unsustainable: “The cost for the retirement home and geriatric care for him is high. Technically speaking, Matt was the best paid player in season 1 by a couple hundred grand. We call him Mr. 401k.”

With the start of the Overwatch League, regulations were set in place that barred players from competing until the day they turn 18. Michael “Packing10” Szklanny, Los Angeles Valiant head coach and father of 2-year-old son Michael Jr., showed himself disappointed with the league’s decision regarding player age. “I’ve invested serious coaching hours into my son’s pro player career. He already has better motor skills than Custa ever had”, Szklanny claims. He is convinced that from a skill perspective younger talent could be integrated into the league seamlessly. “Last Saturday, I was in the garage and was hit by a bouncy ball right on the forehead. Michael Jr. was in his room on the second floor playing with his mother when he threw it. You know what that means, right? He could easily play Moira for us and we have an open spot. He’s ready but the regulations won’t let him.”

The league claims its hands are tied due to legal reasons of not being able to broadcast minors past a certain time in several countries and requiring a legal guardian present at every venue. Founding partner of Morrison Rothman and CEO of Evolved Talent Agency, Ryan Morrison called the league on their justification. “It’s an excuse that doesn’t hold up. The Overwatch League is now global and it’s always before Sugarfree’s bedtime somewhere in the world. Legal guardian requirements? Give me a break, Ryujehong is everyone’s dad.”

Head coach of the New York Excelsior, Yong-Cheol "imt" Jeong holds a PhD in neuroscience and has researched the subject extensively in his lab. When asked why teams wouldn’t even consider signing players over 22 years even though they had been consistently improving and, in many cases, showed better performances than their younger peers who had been signed, Jeong was quick to respond: “Mental Gymnastics! Most olympic gymnasts have been practicing from a young age and still have the elasticity. That’s pretty much the same with the brain!” He went on to explain that middle aged people of 22 or older were also endangered to wake up to the realization that they have a life. “The most important part in every player’s hero pool is the ability to flex into a 17-year old’s body”, he added. However, Jeong left the door open for hope. “There is exciting new research on reincarnation that could be a solution for boomer players in the future.”

GGRecon consulted with physicians and recommends the 18th of May for a romantic night in Hawaii as the date would allow potential offspring to start on their 18th birthday with the current Overwatch League season start set to February 8th.

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